While I was in college one of my roommates confided in me. One early morning we were walking to class together. It was junior year and though we had been good friends the first two years of college, this was the first time we were living together.
She said me, if we are going to be living together there is something you should know about me. Not having any idea what it could possible be, I was a little concerned. I felt proud that she felt she could confided in me, but what made her so nervous she felt a needed to tell me in confidence away from everyone else?
What she told me wasn't what I expected to hear, yet at the same time I was relieved to hear it. "Cindy, she said. It get anxiety. It comes and it does, but you need to know how to help me, when I get a spell." Then the weight of what she told me hit me. It hit us both. She continued, "When I feel the anxiety coming on, I get tunnel vision, everything starts to go black." Picture the inside of a tornado. For the person dealing with anxiety, the tunnel vision they are experiencing is exactly like that.
"I need you ask me thing things in my surrounds to help keep me grounded. Three things I can hear, 3 things I can see, and 3 things I can touch in my surrounds." Still a little nervous, I said okay. Then she started to go down. I could see she was feeling dizzy.
We were still slowly walking to class, but I noticed her steps were getting erratic. I said her name, and I asked if she was feeling dizzy. I already knew she was experiencing one of her anxiety spells. I said, " Okay, tell me what you see? She did. I continued, Tell me what your hear? It took her a moment. The I asked her, if she can feel the cold air, and can she feel me touch her arm?
By this point, we were sitting on the sidewalk. Class could and would wait. She had my undivided attention. We sat and we talked until the dizziness passed and tunnel vision passed and she started to feel better.
This happened to a college student. Imagine how a child would feel going through this same thing. It is scary. Very scary. Years later in my adult years I experienced it myself. I was alone, and suddenly I felt the nervousness creep in. To this day I don't know why I suddenly felt so nervous. My first reaction was anger. I had no reason to be nervous. This is stupid, get over it. Unfortunately, that doesn't change the feelings from happening. Then I started to experience the tunnel vision. Wow, was that was a game changer. One of the scariest feeling there is. You feel completely helpless, until you realize you are not!
My conversation with my roommate kicked in. Suddenly it was like yesterday I was having that conversation. Something I can see, something I can hear, something I can touch. I kept focusing on my surrounding, going there all 5 senses if I had to. Know what? It worked. The tunnel vision slowly disappeared, the dizziness went away, and I started to feel better.
When your child is anxious, don't blow it off and say, they are being to sensitive. Don't belittle their feelings. Use it as a learning tool. Teach them to self regulate. Teach your children how to find their inner voice, their inner peace. Who know, one day they might be by themselves and only have themselves to self regulate like I did. Teaching our children the tools they need is the most important things we can teach.
Enjoy the Moments, even the scary ones, especially the scary one, because those create bonds that can never be destroyed! Cherish the Memories! Because memories live on!
P.S. That friend in college? She still one of the closest dearest people in my heart, and I still talk to her to this day! 🩷
Until Next Time - Cynthia
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